Account for the relationship as it is now
Use a tone that fits the present relationship, not the closeness, authority, or access that existed in the past. For a message about how to keep private appointments off a shared calendar, use this factual base: describe the request or behavior, its frequency, and the effect on delivery, health, or privacy.
Ask without assigning an obligation
Explain what you hope for while making decline, delay, or a different format genuinely acceptable. Propose a workable channel, schedule, scope, or escalation route and document the agreement. Make the immediate next step clear enough that the recipient can answer without reconstructing the entire history.
Keep the ending honest
Do not retaliate, shame a colleague, or refuse essential duties without explaining the operational alternative. Use HR, a representative, occupational health, security, or legal support for harassment, discrimination, threats, or unsafe work. Avoid future promises, guilt, flattery, or nostalgia that imply the recipient owes you access.